Why I Write

I have been writing this blog every day for about 2 weeks now.  I have tried to blog before but, as with most things I do, I stopped and didn’t start again for quite a while.  I don’t have a large following but I have noticed that I have a few regular readers and I have received positive feedback from many people.  For those of you who don’t know much about me, I’d like to share some of my story.

My parents were Holocaust survivors from Hungary.  They came to America in 1949 with my brother who was about 3 years old.  I was born 5 years later.  I grew up in Michigan where I did well in school, played a good game of baseball, and was a talented musician.  I graduated from The University of Michigan, where I also earned an MBA, got married, had several good jobs, raised four successful children, and earned another Master’s degree.  Sounds like a pretty good life.

So why do I write?  Well, here is the story behind the story.  I was a very shy, insecure child.  I had issues with self-esteem, had trouble accepting praise or believing in myself, and was afraid to fail.  Although things looked good on the surface, I was hiding my feelings from everyone.  When I was 37, my family and I relocated due to a job transfer.  The job never materialized and I found myself in one stressful job after another.  I didn’t feel like I fit in anywhere but of course, I never said a word.

To make a long story short (you can read the whole story when I finish writing my book), I fell into a severe depression.  I was unable to go to work for about 7 months.  For most of that time, I stayed in bed.  I rarely left the house after developing panic attacks.  I became suicidal which led to a hospitalization.  My condition worsened and my doctors suggested ECT.  Although I fought against it, I eventually consented to the treatment.  The ECT was successful and I was able to get my life back and return to work.  Several years later, I became involved with the National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI), became a support group facilitator, a Certified Peer Specialist, and I now am an amploye of NAMI.

So why do I write?  I write because I can provide hope to those who struggle. I write so people know they are not alone.  I write because I was once surrounded by darkness and am now a source of light.  I write because I have a story to share to inspire others.  And I write because it helps me too.  Every time I write I remind myself of where I have been  what I have seen, and how grateful I am to be able to write.

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