Lately, I’ve noticed that I am focusing quite a bit on negative thoughts about myself. In conversations with my boss, I find myself telling her about things I don’t do well. I’ve talked about my habit of procrastinating. my inability to create a plan or a budget, my feelings of inadequacy, my lack of discipline. I’m doing a heck of a job of making her feel good about her decision to hire me. In spite of it all, she thinks I’m doing a great job even I question my abilities and results.
I’ve been talking to my co-workers about my life and my struggles with depression. Instead of celebrating my triumphs over mental illness, I tell them about my shyness, my anxiety, my fear of making a mistake, my inability to accept praise (see yesterday’s blog).
Do I want them to feel sorry for me? Am I creating an excuse so when I fail, they won’t be surprised? Do I think they’ll like me more if I am weak? Am I creating a self-fulfilling prophecy to ensure that I fail? Whatever the reason, I am getting sick and tired of it.
It’s time to stop being Eeyore. It’s time to focus on the positive things about me and what I bring to the job. It’s time to accept praise from my boss and co-workers. It’s time to accept mistakes and learn from them. It’s time to ask for help if I need help and not struggle in silence.
Everyone loves adorable little Eeyore. I wonder if Eeyore loves himself. I am sure that he is not as harsh on others as he is on himself. I am sure that he doesn’t give himself credit. But Eeyore is stuck in his fictional life. As for me, I don’t plan to be stuck in the rain. Let the sun shine in.